It's difficult to build a business the way you're supposed to if your brain won't play the game.

I'm not talking about being lazy or unmotivated BUT rather because our brains are wired differently. Because of this, we feel like failures before we begin.

I've owned and operated a number of businesses in various industries. The ones I've run with a partner have been successful. The ones I've tried to start on my own haven't gotten off the ground, even though I've put in hundreds of hours of work.

Did I need more training? Did I need to learn more?

Learning is unending but I didn't need to learn anything more about how to start a business.

I recently learned that I need to know more about my brain and how to use that knowledge to build the business I need to support my lifestyle.

For years I believed the stories I told myself about needing to work harder and smarter but I kept hitting a wall.

Then because I'd lost the motivation to continue, I'd tell myself that I was lazy.

I'd get inspired to write something new only to discover that I'd written something similar, even several times before. Was it so fascinating that I had to write about it again in a new and exciting way? No. My thoughts came out almost identically - with updates for changes in circumstances or world events.

No, I was just disorganised. Or was I?

This was very difficult for me to accept because I had a strong administrative background. At times I've even been so process driven I was unnerved. I love to teach systems. Following systems was harder.

Even as I write this I wonder whether I may have written it before, but can't find it hidden in my mammoth book outlines.

Another issue - for years I've wondered whether I have early onset of dementia because I can never remember things. It has never gotten worse but rather circumstance make it more obvious.

Child 3 was a blessing to me because she had a photographic memory and even at 18 months of age she would appear with the item I'd lost.

Child 1 was recently formally diagnosed with ADHD. Like most people, I'd thought ADHD was a childhood issue that she had grown out of. But no. She explained to me that you don't grow out of ADHD but just adapt. I devoured videos about Adult ADHD, especially in women [because it's different in women than in men and so is often undiagnosed].

As I watched these videos and learned about my precious and amazing adult daughter, I began to realise that perhaps I, too, was neurodiverse. So much in my life began to make sense. The reason my businesses with a partner succeeded had to do with the constraints and patterns as well as the responsibility and accountability that made me excel. We worked with our strengths and skills to focus on different areas of the business.

I often learned new skills, often easily, because we needed to get a job completed and out to the client. But if it were my permanent role, I have little doubt I would have lost interest in it and become mediocre. This, I believe, also applies to my employment. I give massively and then get exhausted.

Recently, I took 6 months off from my employment because I was exhausted after the pandemic shifts. I over gave and then felt that I didn't have the brain space to do a good job anymore especially because the parts of my job that kept me focussed - live classroom training - were gone.

But when I'm working in my business, I get only so far then my brain stops functioning. I do the same over and over again. I used to call it perfectionism but it's not. I don't strive for perfection. I'm happy with 'good enough' as long as it's spelled correctly.

I just can't find what I'd already done or I think another way will look better. Or the process just doesn't make sense any more.

So back to business - I've come to the realisation that I, too, may have ADHD. I've yet to have a formal assessment as I keep forgetting to make the appointment. [Yes, I put it in my calendar but was so annoyed by the reminder popping up each day at the most inopportune times that I deleted it.]

Regardless, I have an issue that I'm facing and am now reviewing how to begin building my business so I actually get stuff done. Stay tuned.