Life often gets in the way of living. We marry, have children, and work to pay the bills. One night, I watched the film Strictly Ballroom, again, when one of the main characters quoted the Spanish proverb - "A life lived in fear is a life half lived".

This time it struck a chord within me. It described my life to that point. I was living a shadow life. I made a decision that from that moment on I would live a full life. I began making different choices with a lot of trials, errors and triumphs.

This is what I learned.

Be intensely selfish

This is not about putting others down but about acknowledging yourself.

You can't truly care for others without taking care of yourself first. I heard it every time I caught a plane - "in case of emergency...always put on your oxygen mask before assisting others."

It applies in all areas of life - I can't effectively help others if I don't look after myself first. I could but then I would burnout, get frazzled, distracted, or depressed.

I decided to look after me - to do more of the things that made me laugh, gave me joy. I began to look after my mental health as well as physical. I began to say no to what others wanted and began to say yes to opportunities that excited me.

Bend the rules

Rules are made to be broken [within reason]. I like to know where I stand. I need to know the boundaries but, more importantly, I need to know why they are there.

It's this knowing that helps me to break or bend the rules and accepted procedures to fit my style, my new learnings, to solve problems. Without knowing my limitations I stay very safely inside the boundaries without getting near the edges. This frustrates me and, in a sense, I shrink and stop being me.

I will understand the rules and be willing to bend them.

See myself as valid and valuable

I began to think of all the negative or unhelpful words I used to describe myself and turn them on their heads. They generally started with "I can't..." Now, they start "I will..." or "I choose to..."

Seeing myself as those who love me see me was a huge revelation. I realised that I was the one who was limiting my potential and possibilities by being a shrinking violet instead of acknowledging the powerful creative woman underneath.

A massive part of my being was living in a fearful life. It may have been born from others' unhelpful expectations of me but it was time to begin to value myself and to choose a new future. I am the only person responsible for the direction my life takes.

Have fun with life

I began starting each day as if it would be the most important and joyous day of my life, and it will be, looking for beauty, fun, love, experiences, wonder, and laughter.

I decided to change my outlook to start each day afresh and not prejudge any decisions.

Yes, there will be difficult and stressful times but I will look for the beauty in a smile, a touch or a sunset and the difficult times won't consume me as they did.

Be true to myself

I am a collector of quotes. There are some quotes that mean a lot to me simply because they came to me at a time when I needed them.

The following by Marianne Williamson was one of those. It meant something to Nelson Mandela too because he used it in his inauguration speech.

After reading this, I began to think about what I wanted my life to be. I would no longer react to situations or live on an externally set autopilot. As a mother I realised that by playing small I was teaching my children to do the same.

Our Deepest Fear

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves - who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and famous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God,

Your playing small doesn't serve the world.

There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

And as we are liberated from fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Start something - Don't wait for permission

From this point forward I won't fret about whether what I have chosen is the right thing or if I've set it up perfectly.

I have learned that it's easier to change direction when in motion than when I'm sitting wondering what happened or trying to get it right for others.

I encourage you to do that thing you haven't dared to do.